Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
