I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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