I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
