Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
