My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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