barbara walters just said penis...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
