shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
