it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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