i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
