I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
