that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
