just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
