so explain again why im purple
no
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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