just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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