My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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