Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
