i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
