my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
