I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How drunk are you?
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