you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
