u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
