So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
