i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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