it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
