She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
