I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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