Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
