I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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