You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
