I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
