God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
