Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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