Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
