I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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