If i come over, it means nothing
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
