I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sext me about skeletons
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
