currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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