my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
