Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
