Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
