we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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