I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
