after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
