Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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