Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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