also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
