dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
