my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
is wine microwaveable?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
