Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
