how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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