Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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