just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
this is an emotional support booty call
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
